Gentle Jones Genuine Horsefeathers

from sparkweekly.com

Gentle Jones: Howdy, friends! My name is Gentle Jones. I live in beautiful Prices Corner, Delaware. The finest place in the world. I know the presidents, all of them. I've climbed into the sky and slept amongst the stars. I'm blood kin to the Gila monster. I can drink my weight in wolf poison and make love to mountain lions. My stare can charge a smartphone. My breath can fuel a power plant. When they plug me in all the lights go out in Delaware.